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Why I haven't been around much lately...


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I've haven't been doing a lot of posting (or much of anything else) lately. A lot has to do with just some personal crap & whatnot. But what I'm dealing with now is probably the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. I've met many of you & some of you know some of my personal history - but I'm posting this because,frankly - I'd appreciate any & all points of advice & thoughts...


As many of you know,my only child comes from a previous relationship,before I met Leslie (Chatakinns) - my 8 year old,Sara. We've been dealing with some schooling & sibling issues between the two households & Sara has been getting some help with that.


Well,Sara's mom happens to have acute asthma. Last week,she had a very bad attack & was rushed to the hospital. She crashed while getting treatment & had to be put on a ventilator in order to breathe. It will be two weeks she'll be on that this Friday. She's been under heavy sedation & isn't able to breathe on her own.


Making things worse is that she now has an intestinal blockage.The doctors have tried different things to help things along,with no success.They won't do surgery because she's too weak to make it through the process. At this point,there is a decent chance that she won't live.


I told Sara when her Mom was in the hospital,but I held off telling her about the seriousness of her condition in the hope that things would get better.Since they haven't - I made the decision to tell her tonight just how sick her mom is. I can't begin to tell you how hard that was...


She seems to be taking it well. She does want to see her mom though.While I'm really not too crazy on the idea - I think I'm going to take her..and then pray that a miracle happens so I don't have to tell my kid that her Mom has died.


Any thoughts,advice,prayers - my family & I will appreciate them. Thanks for reading.

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Prayers up, Calvin.


In my opinion, take her to see her mom, if it's solely your decision. If she does pass away before your daughter gets to see her, I suspect you will have a hard time living with that regret of not taking her. Better to let her cry it out at her mom's bedside, than to not have a chance to tell her she loves her once again.


You want to protect your daughter from suffering and that's natural, but one of life's mysteries is that sometimes much good comes from suffering.


I wish you the best.




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My Grandpa died when I was 18ish. I lived with my Grandpa, Grandma and Dad at the time, and I spent 1-2 weekends a month there my whole life. It was almost like losing a parent.


Instead of visiting my Grandpa in the hospital on the day they said he might not make it much longer, I worked at my crappy cashiering job for $6.50/hr.


To this day I regret, very much, not taking the time to stop in the week or so he was in the hospital to visit him before he died.


Take the kid to see her mom. My opinion.


Hope it works out for the better.

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I also hope for the best for Sara's mother. It's a lot to ask of an 8 year old to take her into that situation. You need to make the decision you feel is best, and it's a hard one.


In your shoes, I think I would lean towards what Carlos and GM recommended. I wish you the best of luck!


Take care,


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That's a horrible situation. I agree with the above though, make sure she gets to see her Mom if she wants to and then just hope for the best.


If she does pass though, you might consider just a couple sessions of light therapy for your daughter. Not because she's crazy or broken, but so that she has a neutral party to talk to about her mother and new family situation. Might be a lot to handle at once in an unfamiliar situation otherwise. Like 3-4 one hour sessions?

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Everyone,thanks for the thoughts & well wishes. I figure I'd give you all an update as to what has been happening.


I did end up taking Sara to see her mom.It went pretty well,actually.The head nurse was on hand answering any questions that she had concerning Mom. The visit might have had a positive effect,because as of Friday afternoon Denise (Sara's bio Mom) was able to get off of the ventilator & is now breathing on her own.


She is by no means out of the woods yet,though.She still has that intestinal blockage which she hasn't passed as of today & she is way too weak to have surgery.But at least there is more hope now.


Thanks again everyone - I'll let you know more when I do...

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