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First five, in reverse order:

 

5. Monkey, Ninja, Pirate, Robot? Quiz. My first time results with no shenanigans?

 

1071245367_consmonkey.gif

"Monkey!

You are a cheeky Monkey.

We find you funny.

 

I guess there is truth in these online quiz things.

 

4. Robot Monkeys. This is an informative web site, although some of the info is questionable. For example:

 

FACT: Robot Monkeys are EVERYWHERE!

FACT: All Robot Monkeys are pure EVIL!

FACT: Nobody is safe from the wrath of the Robot Monkeys!

 

Well, two out of three ain't bad.

 

3. Wooden Cat vs. Robot Monkey. This is some kind of interactive text game (I think). Since it's free, I'll give it a download. I'm very careful about licensing my name and likeness, so I might have to call some entertainment lawyers about this. Robot Monkey better win.

 

2. Hot Robot Monkey Sex. Of course, hot Robot Monkey sex is always popular with the ladies, but now it's apparently a subject of erotica. An excerpt:

 

Dr. Lumens moved his body against the robot monkey until both could feel his rather large manhood grow even more along the robot monkeys flank.

 

Good Lord. I don't know any Dr. Lumens, so let me just say that whoever he is, I'm flattered, but I don't go for that stuff.

 

... and the Number One Google search result ...

 

1. Thinking is robot's play. This is a BBC article about Robo-monkey, a robot designed to swing like a gibbon. I thought gibbons are apes, which would make this Robo-ape, but then, I really don't know.

 

-j

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In pages, no. 1 is my slashdot homepage, so that's dull. Most of the rest of the first page is about me, too, though there do seem to be some rather offensive impostors, so don't blame me for everything.

 

In images, there are a couple of screengrabs from the Army Of Darkness box set that I did years ago to show how much better the THX theatrical release looks in comparison to the Director's Cut.

 

However, this is not me:

iainl.jpg

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