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Here comes another winner!


Chris F
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On most Friday nights, I have a few people over for beer and bad movies and not too long ago we rented the other Uwe Boll modern classic, House of the Dead. You know, I think it is awesome that Sega sponsors raves on remote islands...definately good for its bottom line. ;)

 

In complete honesty, that movie was such a crapfest that there was very little even heavy drinking could do to make it better.

 

Why does this guy keep getting money to make "movies?"

 

Chris

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Ohh jeez that looks terrible... the end of the trailer where the knife flies into the old guy, it showed him like "tossing the knife" underhand, and then suddenly it just showed the knife in the old guy.

 

... oh jeez... I'd actually like to see a well done movie of Blood Rayne or even Farcry for that matter... but oh jeez. there goes my hopes.

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Oh, my, what's that smell?

 

I can accept that movie guns have no recoil, but tens of thousands of CGI tracer bullets should at least hit something, if not ricochet. Looks like everyone's on top of their acting game, too. Perhaps Stephen Dorff is hoping his receding hairline will create the impression of height.

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What is wrong with you people?

 

The best line in that trailer is "Don't be insane!"

 

I was waiting for "Hmm, okay then."

 

I imagine "Alone in the Dark" refers to the lone patron at every theater this stinkbomb opens in. It looks foul.

 

I'm very upset they didn't use any in-game footage from the original title in this one though :green:

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Ladies and gentlemen...the acting stylings of Tara Reid, Christian Slater, and Stephen Dorf.

 

This actually looks worst than the worst film ever made, House of the Dead. Not even the T&A in that one could save it.

 

I think I would rather play in my own shit then waste 90 minutes of my life with this stinker. I will now file this film under my "Don't give a fuck" folder.

 

-Dean-

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  • 5 months later...

Uwe = Pewee!

I have the misfortune of renting House of the Dead, and know that I could put together something better than that hack Uwe! It's pretty depressing that Boll can actually get shit made after HotD to begin with, but knowing that we still have Bloodrayne to look forward to now!

 

Here's the trailer, if you dare!

http://www.joblo.com/arrow/index.php?id=733

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SHOCKING!

 

:lmfao

Some choice quotes:

 

"The three stars have seen better days, but I'd like to think they could still do something classier and more dignified than this. Like gay porn."

 

"Saying Uwe Boll?s Alone in the Dark is better than his 2003 American debut House of the Dead is akin to praising syphilis for not being HIV."

 

And my favorite...

 

"Terrible beyond belief, like the worst 1940s serial ever made. As for Slater and Dorff...well, they've been in worse movies--wait a minute, no they haven't."

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  • 3 weeks later...

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