Rob B Posted March 18, 2005 Report Share Posted March 18, 2005 Boss told me this one yesterday. Why does Snoop Dog Carry an Umbrellea? For Drizzle Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HoolieMan Posted March 18, 2005 Report Share Posted March 18, 2005 What does snoop dog use in his laundry? Bliach Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iainl Posted March 18, 2005 Report Share Posted March 18, 2005 I was going on holiday this year and was supposed to be flying with BA. Never actually made it though, as he refused to get on the plane. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whooter Posted March 18, 2005 Report Share Posted March 18, 2005 I was going on holiday this year and was supposed to be flying with BA. Never actually made it though' date=' as he refused to get on the plane.[/quote'] :lmfao Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris F Posted March 18, 2005 Report Share Posted March 18, 2005 I was going on holiday this year and was supposed to be flying with BA. Never actually made it though' date=' as he refused to get on the plane.[/quote'] Is this a really obscure A-Team joke? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iainl Posted March 18, 2005 Report Share Posted March 18, 2005 could be! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reeldeal Posted March 18, 2005 Report Share Posted March 18, 2005 This is my girlfriend's new favourite: Did you hear about the two antennas that got married? the ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robot Monkey Posted March 18, 2005 Report Share Posted March 18, 2005 I think Chris or Dean told me this one, but anyway: Two muffins are sitting in an oven, cooking. "Man," says a muffin, "it's hot in here." "Holy shit," says the other, "a talking muffin!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CaptainRon Posted March 18, 2005 Report Share Posted March 18, 2005 I was going on holiday this year and was supposed to be flying with BA. Never actually made it though' date=' as he refused to get on the plane.[/quote'] :lmfao :lmfao i love the A-team Was murdock flying that plane? Everyone knows you just have to knock BA barrackus out Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DaveC Posted March 18, 2005 Report Share Posted March 18, 2005 lame jokes!!! here's a couple... what did the fish say when it swam into the wall? Damn!! what do you call a bear without an ear? B Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reeldeal Posted March 18, 2005 Report Share Posted March 18, 2005 wouldn't the fish say "dam!"? and since I can't jump in just to criticize i'm going to throw in a joke i made up the other week why was tourism down at karl marx grave? everyone heard it was just another communist plot. har har Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dogbert Posted March 18, 2005 Report Share Posted March 18, 2005 What's brown & sticky? A stick. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carlucci Posted December 1, 2005 Report Share Posted December 1, 2005 This is too funny not to share. (no source/author given) IF you are 30 or older you will think this is, hilarious!!!! When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning ... uphill BOTH ways .. yadda, yadda, yadda And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it! But now that... I'm over the ripe old age of thirty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia! And I hate to say it but you kids today you don't know how good you've got it! I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog!! There was no email! We had to actually write somebody a letter ... with a pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there! There were no MP3's or Napsters! You wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the damn record store and shoplift it yourself! Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ'd usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up! And talk about hardship? You couldn't just download porn! You had to steal it from your brother or bribe some homeless dude to buy you a copy of "Hustler" at the 7-11! Those were your options! We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal, that’s it! And we didn't have fancy Caller ID Boxes either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your mom, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, a collections agent, you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister! We didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! ! ;We had the Atari 2600! With games like "Space Invaders" and "Asteroids" and the graphics sucked ass! Your guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! ... Just like LIFE! When you went to the movie theater there no such thing as stadium seating! All the seats were the same height! If a tall guy or some old broad with a hat sat in front of you and you couldn't see, you were just screwed! Sure, we had cable television, but back then that was only like 15 channels and there was no onscreen menu and no remote control! You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel and there was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little rat-*******s! And we didn't have microwaves, if we wanted to heat something up . we had to use the stove or go build a frigging fire ... Imagine that? If we wanted popcorn, we had to use that stupid JiffyPop thing and shake it over the stove forever like an idiot. That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled. You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980! Regards, -The 30 Something crowd! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boogieman Posted December 1, 2005 Report Share Posted December 1, 2005 HAHAHA Old people are funny. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Daisy Posted December 1, 2005 Report Share Posted December 1, 2005 Don't laugh... you'll be one eventually. Glen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoeyN Posted December 1, 2005 Report Share Posted December 1, 2005 :lmfao Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Graeme Posted December 2, 2005 Report Share Posted December 2, 2005 The only thing that's missing is a few good helpings of ... and we liked it!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
James T Posted December 2, 2005 Report Share Posted December 2, 2005 I saw this today and can't stop laughing thinking about it http://www.abum.com/show/10476/dear-black-people.mov Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carlucci Posted December 2, 2005 Report Share Posted December 2, 2005 You have probably seen this one but just in case... If World War Two had been an online Real Time Strategy game, the chat room traffic would have gone something like this. *Hitler[AoE] has joined the game.* *Eisenhower has joined the game.* *paTTon has joined the game.* *Churchill has joined the game.* *benny-tow has joined the game.* *T0J0 has joined the game.* *Roosevelt has joined the game.* *Stalin has joined the game.* *deGaulle has joined the game.* Roosevelt: hey sup T0J0: y0 Stalin: hi Churchill: hi Hitler[AoE]: cool, i start with panzer tanks! paTTon: lol more like panzy tanks T0JO: lol Roosevelt: o this fockin sucks i got a depression! benny-tow: haha america sux Stalin: hey hitler you dont fight me i dont fight u, cool? Hitler[AoE]; sure whatever Stalin: cool deGaulle: **** Hitler rushed some1 help Hitler[AoE]: lol byebye frenchy Roosevelt: i dont got **** to help, sry Churchill: wtf the luftwaffle is attacking me Roosevelt: get antiair guns Churchill: i cant afford them benny-tow: u n00bs know what team talk is? paTTon: stfu Roosevelt: o yah hit the navajo button guys deGaulle: eisenhower ur worthless come help me quick Eisenhower: i cant do **** til rosevelt gives me an army paTTon: yah hurry the fock up Churchill: d00d im gettin pounded deGaulle: this is fockin weak u guys suck *deGaulle has left the game.* Roosevelt: im gonna attack the axis k? benny-tow: with what? ur wheelchair? benny-tow: lol did u mess up ur legs AND ur head? Hitler[AoE]: ROFLMAO T0J0: lol o no america im comin 4 u Roosevelt: wtf! thats bullsh1t u ***s im gunna kick ur ***** T0JO: not without ur harbors u wont! lol Roosevelt: u little biotch ill get u Hitler[AoE]: wtf Hitler[AoE]: america hax, u had depression and now u got a huge fockin army Hitler[AoE]: thats bullsh1t u hacker Churchill: lol no more france for u hitler Hitler[AoE]: tojo help me! T0J0: wtf u want me to do, im on the other side of the world retard Hitler[AoE]: fine ill clear you a path Stalin: WTF u arsshoel! WE HAD A FoCKIN TRUCE Hitler[AoE]: i changed my mind lol benny-tow: haha benny-tow: hey ur losing ur guys in africa im gonna need help in italy soon sum1 T0J0: o **** i cant help u i got my hands full Hitler[AoE]: im 2 busy 2 help Roosevelt: yah thats right ***** im comin for ya Stalin: church help me Churchill: like u helped me before? sure ill just sit here Stalin: dont be an arss Churchill: dont be a commie. oops too late Eisenhower: LOL benny-tow: hahahh oh sh1t help Hitler: o man ur focked paTTon: oh what now biotch Roosevelt: whos the cripple now lol *benny-tow has been eliminated.* benny-tow: lame Roosevelt: gj patton paTTon: thnx Hitler[AoE]: WTF eisenhower hax hes killing all my sh1t Hitler[AoE]: quit u hacker so u dont ruin my record Eisenhower: Nuts! benny~tow: wtf that mean? Eisenhower: meant to say nutsack lol finger slipped paTTon: coming to get u hitler u paper hanging hun ****socker Stalin: rofl T0J0: HAHAHHAA Hitler[AoE]: u guys are fockin *** Hitler[AoE]: ur never getting in my city *Hitler[AoE] has been eliminated.* benny~tow: OMG u noob you killed yourself Eisenhower: ROFLOLOLOL Stalin: OMG LMAO! Hitler[AoE]: WTF i didnt click there omg this game blows *Hitler[AoE] has left the game* paTTon: hahahhah T0J0: WTF my teammates are n00bs benny~tow: shut up noob Roosevelt: haha wut a moron paTTon: wtf am i gunna do now? Eisenhower: yah me too T0J0: why dont u attack me o thats right u dont got no ships lololol Eisenhower: fock u paTTon: lemme go thru ur base commie Stalin: go to hell lol paTTon: fock this sh1t im goin afk Eisenhower: yah this is *** *Roosevelt has left the game.* Hitler[AoE]: wtf? Eisenhower: sh1t now we need some1 to join *tru_m4n has joined the game.* tru_m4n: hi all T0J0: hey Stalin: sup Churchill: hi tru_m4n: OMG OMG OMG i got all his stuff! tru_m4n: NUKES! HOLY **** I GOT NUKES Stalin: d00d gimmie some plz tru_m4n: no way i only got like a couple Stalin: omg dont be *** gimmie nuculer secrets T0J0: wtf is nukes? T0J0: holy ****holy****hoyl****! *T0J0 has been eliminated.* *The Allied team has won the game!* Eisenhower: awesome! Churchill: gg noobs no re T0J0: thats bull**** u fockin suck *T0J0 has left the game.* *Eisenhower has left the game.* Stalin: next game im not going to be on ur team, u guys didnt help me for **** Churchill: wutever, we didnt need ur help neway dumbarss tru_m4n: l8r all benny~tow: bye Churchill: l8r Stalin: fock u all tru_m4n: shut up commie lol *tru_m4n has left the game.* benny~tow: lololol u commie Churchill: ROFL Churchill: bye commie *Churchill has left the game.* *benny~tow has left the game.* Stalin: i hate u all ***s *Stalin has left the game.* paTTon: lol no1 is left paTTon: weeeee i got a jeep *paTTon has been eliminated.* paTTon: o sh1t! *paTTon has left the game.* Somebody please translate. What does this mean? paTTon: fock this sh1t im goin afk and this? Churchill: gg noobs no re (I assume the gg is "great game", but what's "re"? Carlos. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robot Monkey Posted December 2, 2005 Report Share Posted December 2, 2005 :lmfao I loved leet WWII! Or should I say \/\/w|l ? Somebody please translate. What does this mean? paTTon: fock this sh1t im goin afk and this? Churchill: gg noobs no re (I assume the gg is "great game"' date=' but what's "re"?[/quote'] 1. Patton: Fuck this shit, I'm going away for now. 2. Churchill: Good game, newbies; no rematch. (I always look up stuff like "no re" and "skeet skeet" at http://www.urbandictionary.com.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JFo Posted December 2, 2005 Report Share Posted December 2, 2005 What do you call it when a cow has a baby? De-calf-inated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thrillho Posted December 2, 2005 Report Share Posted December 2, 2005 That was great... TOJO: WTF is nukes TOJO: Holy******Holy*****Holy****** Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
merlot Posted December 2, 2005 Report Share Posted December 2, 2005 Favorite lines: Eisenhower: Nuts! benny~tow: wtf that mean? Eisenhower: meant to say nutsack lol finger slipped :lmfao Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rob B Posted December 6, 2005 Author Report Share Posted December 6, 2005 What do you call it when a cow has a baby? De-calf-inated. Oh dear lord Jeff...... :bh I think I may be a baaaaaaaaaad influance So moving right along................ There once was this guy sitting on the beach. This man had No arms and no legs. But there he sat on a warm summer evening watching the sun set over the ocean. About that that time these three beautaful beach babes are jogging in the surf in view of the man. They see this man sitting off by himself and feel sorry for him, so they decide to go talk to to him. The first one walks up and asks "exucse me sir but have you ever been hugged" With a look of hope in his eye the man states "no I have never been hugged" With that the lady bends over and huggs him and then goes on her way. The next lady asks "exuse me sir but have you ever been kissed?" The man now with a glimmer of joy in his eye states "no I have never been kissed" With that the lady bends over and Kisses him and then goes on her way. The final lady asks "excuse me sir have you ever been screwed?" The man is estaic at this point barlley able to contain his excitement and calmly states, "No I have never been screwed" With that lady bends over whispers in his ear "well you will be when the tide comes in" and then goes on her way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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