Jump to content
LCVG

Not another bad joke thread


Rob B
 Share

Recommended Posts

  • 8 months later...

This is too funny not to share. (no source/author given)

 

IF you are 30 or older you will think this is,

 

hilarious!!!!

 

 

 

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears

 

with their tedious diatribes about how hard things

 

were when they were growing up; what with walking

 

twenty-five miles to school every morning ... uphill

 

BOTH ways .. yadda, yadda, yadda

 

 

And I remember promising myself that when I grew up,

 

there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch

 

of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it and

 

how easy they've got it!

 

 

 

But now that...

 

 

 

I'm over the ripe old age of thirty, I can't help but

 

look around and notice the youth of today. You've got

 

it so easy!

 

 

I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn

 

Utopia!

 

 

 

And I hate to say it but you kids today you don't

 

know how good you've got it!

 

 

 

I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The Internet.

 

 

 

 

If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the

 

damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card

 

catalog!!

 

 

 

There was no email! We had to actually write somebody

 

a letter ... with a pen! Then you had to walk all the

 

way across the street and put it in the mailbox and

 

it would take like a week to get there!

 

 

 

There were no MP3's or Napsters! You wanted to steal

 

music, you had to hitchhike to the damn record store

 

and shoplift it yourself! Or you had to wait around

 

all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ'd usually

 

talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up!

 

 

 

And talk about hardship? You couldn't just download

 

porn! You had to steal it from your brother or bribe

 

some homeless dude to buy you a copy of "Hustler" at

 

the 7-11! Those were your options!

 

 

 

We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you

 

were on the phone and somebody else called they got a

 

busy signal, that’s it!

 

 

 

And we didn't have fancy Caller ID Boxes either! When

 

the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could

 

be your school, your mom, your boss, your bookie,

 

your drug dealer, a collections agent, you just

 

didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your

 

chances, mister!

 

 

 

We didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation video games

 

with high-resolution 3-D graphics! ! ;We had the

 

Atari 2600! With games like "Space Invaders" and

 

"Asteroids" and the graphics sucked ass! Your guy was

 

a little square! You actually had to use your

 

imagination! And there were no multiple levels or

 

screens, it was just one screen forever! And you

 

could never win. The game just kept getting harder

 

and harder and faster and faster until you died! ...

 

Just like LIFE!

 

 

 

When you went to the movie theater there no such

 

thing as stadium seating! All the seats were the same

 

height! If a tall guy or some old broad with a hat

 

sat in front of you and you couldn't see, you were

 

just screwed!

 

 

 

Sure, we had cable television, but back then that was

 

only like 15 channels and there was no onscreen menu

 

and no remote control! You had to use a little book

 

called a TV Guide to find out what was on!

 

 

 

You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You

 

had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to

 

change the channel and there was no Cartoon Network

 

either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday

 

Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying!?! We had to

 

wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little

 

rat-*******s!

 

 

 

And we didn't have microwaves, if we wanted to heat

 

something up . we had to use the stove or go build a

 

frigging fire ...

 

 

 

Imagine that? If we wanted popcorn, we had to use

 

that stupid JiffyPop thing and shake it over the

 

stove forever like an idiot.

 

 

 

That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today

 

have got it too easy. You're spoiled.

 

 

 

You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in

 

1980!

 

 

 

Regards,

 

 

-The 30 Something crowd!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You have probably seen this one but just in case...

 

 

If World War Two had been an online Real Time Strategy game, the chat room traffic would have gone something like this.

 

*Hitler[AoE] has joined the game.*

*Eisenhower has joined the game.*

*paTTon has joined the game.*

*Churchill has joined the game.*

*benny-tow has joined the game.*

*T0J0 has joined the game.*

*Roosevelt has joined the game.*

*Stalin has joined the game.*

*deGaulle has joined the game.*

Roosevelt: hey sup

T0J0: y0

Stalin: hi

Churchill: hi

Hitler[AoE]: cool, i start with panzer tanks!

paTTon: lol more like panzy tanks

T0JO: lol

Roosevelt: o this fockin sucks i got a depression!

benny-tow: haha america sux

Stalin: hey hitler you dont fight me i dont fight u, cool?

Hitler[AoE]; sure whatever

Stalin: cool

deGaulle: **** Hitler rushed some1 help

Hitler[AoE]: lol byebye frenchy

Roosevelt: i dont got **** to help, sry

Churchill: wtf the luftwaffle is attacking me

Roosevelt: get antiair guns

Churchill: i cant afford them

benny-tow: u n00bs know what team talk is?

paTTon: stfu

Roosevelt: o yah hit the navajo button guys

deGaulle: eisenhower ur worthless come help me quick

Eisenhower: i cant do **** til rosevelt gives me an army

paTTon: yah hurry the fock up

Churchill: d00d im gettin pounded

deGaulle: this is fockin weak u guys suck

*deGaulle has left the game.*

Roosevelt: im gonna attack the axis k?

benny-tow: with what? ur wheelchair?

benny-tow: lol did u mess up ur legs AND ur head?

Hitler[AoE]: ROFLMAO

T0J0: lol o no america im comin 4 u

Roosevelt: wtf! thats bullsh1t u ***s im gunna kick ur *****

T0JO: not without ur harbors u wont! lol

Roosevelt: u little biotch ill get u

Hitler[AoE]: wtf

Hitler[AoE]: america hax, u had depression and now u got a huge fockin army

Hitler[AoE]: thats bullsh1t u hacker

Churchill: lol no more france for u hitler

Hitler[AoE]: tojo help me!

T0J0: wtf u want me to do, im on the other side of the world retard

Hitler[AoE]: fine ill clear you a path

Stalin: WTF u arsshoel! WE HAD A FoCKIN TRUCE

Hitler[AoE]: i changed my mind lol

benny-tow: haha

benny-tow: hey ur losing ur guys in africa im gonna need help in italy soon sum1

T0J0: o **** i cant help u i got my hands full

Hitler[AoE]: im 2 busy 2 help

Roosevelt: yah thats right ***** im comin for ya

Stalin: church help me

Churchill: like u helped me before? sure ill just sit here

Stalin: dont be an arss

Churchill: dont be a commie. oops too late

Eisenhower: LOL

benny-tow: hahahh oh sh1t help

Hitler: o man ur focked

paTTon: oh what now biotch

Roosevelt: whos the cripple now lol

*benny-tow has been eliminated.*

benny-tow: lame

Roosevelt: gj patton

paTTon: thnx

Hitler[AoE]: WTF eisenhower hax hes killing all my sh1t

Hitler[AoE]: quit u hacker so u dont ruin my record

Eisenhower: Nuts!

benny~tow: wtf that mean?

Eisenhower: meant to say nutsack lol finger slipped

paTTon: coming to get u hitler u paper hanging hun ****socker

Stalin: rofl

T0J0: HAHAHHAA

Hitler[AoE]: u guys are fockin ***

Hitler[AoE]: ur never getting in my city

*Hitler[AoE] has been eliminated.*

benny~tow: OMG u noob you killed yourself

Eisenhower: ROFLOLOLOL

Stalin: OMG LMAO!

Hitler[AoE]: WTF i didnt click there omg this game blows

*Hitler[AoE] has left the game*

paTTon: hahahhah

T0J0: WTF my teammates are n00bs

benny~tow: shut up noob

Roosevelt: haha wut a moron

paTTon: wtf am i gunna do now?

Eisenhower: yah me too

T0J0: why dont u attack me o thats right u dont got no ships lololol

Eisenhower: fock u

paTTon: lemme go thru ur base commie

Stalin: go to hell lol

paTTon: fock this sh1t im goin afk

Eisenhower: yah this is ***

*Roosevelt has left the game.*

Hitler[AoE]: wtf?

Eisenhower: sh1t now we need some1 to join

*tru_m4n has joined the game.*

tru_m4n: hi all

T0J0: hey

Stalin: sup

Churchill: hi

tru_m4n: OMG OMG OMG i got all his stuff!

tru_m4n: NUKES! HOLY **** I GOT NUKES

Stalin: d00d gimmie some plz

tru_m4n: no way i only got like a couple

Stalin: omg dont be *** gimmie nuculer secrets

T0J0: wtf is nukes?

T0J0: holy ****holy****hoyl****!

*T0J0 has been eliminated.*

*The Allied team has won the game!*

Eisenhower: awesome!

Churchill: gg noobs no re

T0J0: thats bull**** u fockin suck

*T0J0 has left the game.*

*Eisenhower has left the game.*

Stalin: next game im not going to be on ur team, u guys didnt help me for ****

Churchill: wutever, we didnt need ur help neway dumbarss

tru_m4n: l8r all

benny~tow: bye

Churchill: l8r

Stalin: fock u all

tru_m4n: shut up commie lol

*tru_m4n has left the game.*

benny~tow: lololol u commie

Churchill: ROFL

Churchill: bye commie

*Churchill has left the game.*

*benny~tow has left the game.*

Stalin: i hate u all ***s

*Stalin has left the game.*

paTTon: lol no1 is left

paTTon: weeeee i got a jeep

*paTTon has been eliminated.*

paTTon: o sh1t!

*paTTon has left the game.*

 

 

Somebody please translate. What does this mean? paTTon: fock this sh1t im goin afk

 

and this? Churchill: gg noobs no re (I assume the gg is "great game", but what's "re"?

 

 

Carlos.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

:lmfao I loved leet WWII! Or should I say \/\/w|l ?

 

Somebody please translate. What does this mean? paTTon: fock this sh1t im goin afk

 

and this? Churchill: gg noobs no re (I assume the gg is "great game"' date=' but what's "re"?[/quote']

 

1. Patton: Fuck this shit, I'm going away for now.

2. Churchill: Good game, newbies; no rematch.

 

(I always look up stuff like "no re" and "skeet skeet" at http://www.urbandictionary.com.)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

What do you call it when a cow has a baby?

 

De-calf-inated.

 

 

Oh dear lord Jeff...... :bh I think I may be a baaaaaaaaaad influance

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So moving right along................

 

 

 

There once was this guy sitting on the beach.

 

This man had No arms and no legs.

 

But there he sat on a warm summer evening watching the sun set over the ocean.

 

About that that time these three beautaful beach babes are jogging in the surf in view of the man.

 

They see this man sitting off by himself and feel sorry for him, so they decide to go talk to to him.

 

The first one walks up and asks "exucse me sir but have you ever been hugged"

 

With a look of hope in his eye the man states "no I have never been hugged"

 

With that the lady bends over and huggs him and then goes on her way.

 

The next lady asks "exuse me sir but have you ever been kissed?"

 

The man now with a glimmer of joy in his eye states "no I have never been kissed"

 

With that the lady bends over and Kisses him and then goes on her way.

 

The final lady asks "excuse me sir have you ever been screwed?"

 

The man is estaic at this point barlley able to contain his excitement and calmly states, "No I have never been screwed"

 

With that lady bends over whispers in his ear "well you will be when the tide comes in" and then goes on her way.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
 Share

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...