A Gamer's Manifesto

[Whooter]

Fabulous article. Funny as hell, and very very true....

 

http://www.pointlesswasteoftime.com/games/manifesto.html

[Robot Monkey]

Look at the little guy. The one on the left. The one who's just a head. I mean, let's face it: strategy is all that guy's got going for him. He has no limbs and he's already on fire.

 

:lmfao

[Romier S]

And by "shit" we mean "words." Fatal Frame 2 was one of the most awesomely atmospheric games ever made... until you took a snapshot of the second ghost and the words "CORE SHOT: 396pts!" popped up. Spooooooky!

:lmfao

[Josh]

Great piece. The part about crates had me in stitches.

 

While I agree with his point about needing new genres, his ideas for new ones need a little work. To wit: "Where's the game where we're a pre-op transsexual where the object of the game is to gather enough money to complete the operation?"

 

Um... no thanks.

[Covak]

Hehe, funny article. I wouldn't call it all "very very true," though... some of it is nonsense... but still funny

[rustyjaw]

Very funny, and thought provoking. I have to wonder though, if game designers truly took his ideas to heart, what kind of games would we be left with? That's not a rhetorical question, because I really don't know.

 

What I do know is that games, like movies, and many other forms of art, have always been about simplifications and abstractions of reality. Reducing the messiness of the real-world down to the salient points that tell the story.

 

A movie that exactly mirrors reality would be boring, long and probably confusing, unless it follows an exceptional event, this is why even 'reality' TV shows are always set under artificial circumstances that create a context for the people in them.

 

Another very basic constraint on games is that they are represented on a 2D surface. For example, you can pretend that you are 'in' a 3D world, but try catching something out of the corner of your eye...you can't because there is no peripheral vision when you're staring at a 2D rectangular image. The constraints on movement are huge, tied to the controller in your hands. There are constraints on feedback from the environment in the game (although he does mention force feedback, but even that is a seriously reduced form of feedback compared to the real world).

 

Nevertheless, I do think he has some excellent points about game design and how so often it insults the intelligence of the gamer.

[EnemaEms]

And here's another tip: If you have a single level where the player's character is required to run toward the camera, send the fucker back for more programming because you're not done yet.

:rotflmao

 

-Dean-

[Starhawk]

My fav quote:

 

When we're on our deathbeds, we're going to wish we could reclaim the time we spent wandering around for save points long after we were done playing every night. Imagine if your word processing program did this, refusing to let you save your progress until you typed six more paragraphs. Or, made you retype your last paragraph six times while zombies tried to shoot your cursor...

 

:lmfao

 

Also liked the bit about Jumping in FPS games.

[Josh]

For those who haven't seen it:

 

Video Games You'll Never Play

http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=video_games

[Orpheus]

Here's a NSFW gaming public service announcement. Good for all you smack talkers.

[Whooter]

"Drink your Ovaltine, Bitch!" :lmfao

[GreenMonkey]

Very very funny, and spot on for the most part.

 

And this is years after analysts told developers that women would happily play games if they didn't feel so objectified by them, and several decades past the point where they should have even needed to be told that. Have you guys ever met a woman? Then why don't you try making just a few games that don't play off of a 14 year-old male's idea of womanhood on the apparent hope that he'll play the game one-handed?

 

 

My wife complains about this from time to time. She likes chicks kicking ass, but they don't need to all look ridiculous. I mean, if it is a hooker on GTA, fine. But if it's a ninja or something, they shouldn't look like a hooker.

 

 

Don't show my character casting magic meteors that smash mountains in one scene and in the next send me all over the dungeon trying to find a single key to a rickety wooden door that looks like it could be knocked in with a strong shoulder. Make it a magic door, a huge door, fine, but don't make it an arbitrary door that only remains closed because that's what the plot requires.

:lmfao

 

 

 

Shitty voice acting. When it's good it's great, when it's bad it will haunt your nightmares for years. Isn't the world full of unemployed actors willing to do voice work in exchange for food or, you know, Heroin? "Do it with feeling this time, Cody, and I'll make the spiders in your brain go away!

 

That makes me think of Phantom Dust. Godawful dub. I mean, hire some anime dub actors at least. I keep hearing the guy that does Spike on the Cowboy Bebop Dub in games (including Doom 3, and if I'm not mistaken from the video, the main voice in Star Wars: Empire At War)

 

And here's another tip: If you have a single level where the player's character is required to run toward the camera, send the fucker back for more programming because you're not done yet.

 

 

:lmfao

 

Confusing, mapless floor plans. Did you remember when you were a kid and you got bored on weekends, how you would go to a large building, a hotel or a hospital, then wander around for several hours looking for a certain room? While zombies attacked you? Neither do we. That's because, much to the surprise of FPS game makers everywhere, wandering around lost in hallways isn't fun.

 

If you game wizards are so proud of your sprawling levels and alternate routes, GIVE ME A MAP OF THE LEVEL. If I'm not playing to have fun, then why the fuck do you think I'm playing?

 

I totally get this with Halo 2 from time to time. :tu

 

Speed Cheating. That miraculous burst of catch-up speed from your opponents. CPU tacklers and recievers do it in Madden. I'm also looking at you, every racing game ever made.

 

*COUGH* MARIO KART *COUGH*

 

The first time we hear the word "patch" in relation to a PS3 or XBox 360 game, we're taking the console back to the store. Filled with our shit

I laughed my head off about the Patches. :tu

 

 

So does anyone else get worried when Microsoft and Sony both boast about their machines' ability to rip MP3's and play movies and chat online and do your taxes?

 

Doesn't every feature that gets added, by necessity, take designer's time and energy away from the features that make for great gaming? Don't most of you reading this already have the ability to play movies and MP3's and chat online without your future Xbox 360? Wouldn't you prefer your game machine devote all of its muscle to gaming and nothing else?

:tu

[Covak]

The only time I remember having to move towards the camera was during this one tiny part of Eternal Darkness, and I thought it was wonderfully effective (because you could hear some creepy things in the room ahead, but couldn't see 'em).

 

That actually been a big problem in other games?

 

I also loved the first-person jumping in Metroid Prime

[JFo]

That actually been a big problem in other games?

 

The only game from recent memory that really bothered me in this way was God of War. There's a section toward the end that requires you to run across these spinning cylinder with blades on them. Of course, if you get hit with one of these blades, you instantly get knocked off the cylinder and fall to your death. For the most part, the camera displays the action just fine because it looks at the action in the direction your character is facing, but there is one area where you are forced to run toward the camera. Since you have no way to control the camera, you're stuck trying to guess where the blade is, and praying to God that you don't accidentally jump into it. Believe I died many times needlessly in this section. I still can't believe that an otherwise brilliant game such as this screwed up like that.

[EnemaEms]

Don't forget games like Devil May Cry, Resident Evil, and other games that use "angles" instead of a camera. How many time in DMC or RE have you had to move towards a camera and not being able to see what the fuck is in front of you.....I hate that shit.

 

-Dean-

[JFo]

One thing that's missing from that manifesto is the ability to skip a cut scene whenever we feel like it. How many times have you reached the final boss in a game, only to find yourself watching the same pre-battle cinematic over and over again because the developers decided that you shouldn't have the right to skip over it? Seems to me, that this would be in the top five things gamers would like to see developers actually deliver on in the next gen.